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2019: A Guide for White Guys
when your experience feels invalidated
A white guy recently told me, “This is the hardest time it’s ever been to be white and male.”
My reaction to it was, quite understandably, completely invalidating. It’s often invalidating to me when I hear things like this. My immediate impulse is a sarcastic, “Oh geez, you’re so oppressed!” I validate this impulse in myself — seeing someone with more power than you tell you how hard their life is kind of sucks. Still, I do know that invalidating someone else’s experience does not usually help them to grow, so I’ve chosen to take the time to write an earnest guide for white guys on navigating this feeling:
Right now, it probably feels like you can’t do anything right. I know how this feels. I know how it feels to be well-intentioned and have anger thrown at you for not understanding what everyone else wants from you. It seems like other people don’t even know what they want from you. The messages are mixed, and what good is a mixed message when you’re trying to understand how to be a better person and make the world a better place?
Let’s take a deep breath together, and begin.
First, some generalizations about people that I’m pretty sure I can make: people have needs. People need to have their needs met. The ability to meet needs…
