Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve identified an unmet need: a need for emotionally healthy relationships.

To quote this weird crazy lady called Anna Austin Ronan, “Every person can give us things we need, and we all need people. We are an interdependent pack species. Obsession with individualism and independence is a fantasy that gives us something we need, like a temporary respite from the pain caused by destructive relationships…”

Did you read the article past the sentence “Everyone gets lonely”? If so, great. Then you don’t need to read the next paragraph:

Just a guess, if you treat your emotional needs as priorities akin to your physical needs, you will find yourself becoming more aware of them and more able to meet them in your interpersonal relationships. If you’re not practiced at this whole emotional labor thing (if you were raised as male in our society, there’s a larger chance this is you), here is an article on emotional labor with the email of a possible tutor at the end:

If you don’t like reading articles, I made this all into a helpful game called Lookinglass:

I have about a zillion other articles on this process. Here’s one on understanding emotional responsibility:

Here’s one on healthy masculinity, in case that’s relevant:

I write about these things because I’m getting bored of having this conversation with people who could have it with themselves and others in their lives if they read and thought about my writing. I don’t fault or blame you, but I’m bored of it, Pete. I’m bored. I also must survive capitalism so I can work on ending it. If you’d like an emotional labor tutor, email me and we can work out a price — sliding scale. Or we could just de-commodify and democratize access to all basic necessities, including the healthy connections that come from people doing emotional labor, which is a form of de-commodified labor already.

God, this is Anna. Writing for a world where many worlds fit.

God, this is Anna. Writing for a world where many worlds fit.