Member-only story
Don’t Believe Everything You Want
Cravings can only take us so far
After months of chaos, I’m finally feeling myself come back to center. There’s a sense of something snapping back into place. My feet take up more space on the ground. Whatever I am doing, I do more fully, more peacefully, with fewer questions and less buzzing in my head.
And then this morning, I felt a familiar frenemy creep back in and knock at the door. “Psst,” the voice said, beckoning me to come to it. I was half-asleep and bleary-eyed, not eager to disturb my newfound peace. But it whistled through the window, like the clever North wind in Chocolat, calling me up and out and elsewhere. “Where to?” I asked, like I always ask. The voice said nothing. It just beckoned. “Come with me. Don’t stay here. This is not enough for you.”
I found myself doing something curious, something I have never done before. I looked at the beckoning hand, heard the whispering voice, and shrugged.
“Come back when you can make me a better offer,” I said. “Right now, I’m happy here.”
The desire just stared at me. Right now, my craving to go elsewhere hasn’t disappeared entirely, but it isn’t yelling. It’s just sitting there, confused, and so am I.
I just told my desires I didn’t want them right now.
