Hi Readers, Again
Hello ethereal Internet friends, readers new and old, how’s it going?
So, I’ve got writer’s block.
I don’t really use social media, so I don’t have anywhere else to post this for people to see, hence why I write these personal updates here. I’m feeling a lot of feelings about writing these days. I’m struggling more and more each week to scrape essays together, to give them the care they deserve to be the best quality they can be. I just feel drained.
TL;DR: I’m gonna be blogging less for a while, I think. And probably writing more fiction and less nonfiction.
Now back to The One in Which I Psychoanalyze Myself as a Writer Again.
I seem to be the kind of person who just can’t keep a cohesive schedule for long. If you think my writing is inconsistent, honey, you should see the rest of my life. I’ve been trying to be more “disciplined” with my writing schedule— that’s the word I always use — in the sincere belief that a little bit of discipline is all that stands between my work being a pile of haphazard chaos and becoming truly “successful,” another word my inner monologue likes to throw around a lot.
There was something about turning thirty this year that made my haphazardness feel indefensible. With every opportunity and most privileges, with so many gifts and mentors, after thirty years on this planet I have approximately fuck all to show for my efforts. I’m not particularly successful at anything. I haven’t used my fancy, expensive degrees for much. I’ve slipped away from trying to be a full-time community organizer in favor of centering spirituality and psychological healing, but I’m not a spiritual coach or a licensed psychologist (yet) either.
I have a lot of thoughts. I’ve done a lot of learning. I’ve learned a lot of things and written them down. Some people have liked what I wrote down enough that, for a glittering moment, I had a new noun to justify my existence: I am a writer.
The thing about becoming “a writer,” rather than being a person who learns things and writes down my thoughts about them, is that it changes some of the motivations and priorities within writing. I’ve written about this…