I Decided to Be More Confident, and It’s Working.
This is what I’m doing differently.
I don’t know what was in retrograde last week, but damn y’all. My week started with 48-hour crippling existential crisis when I couldn’t stop feeling like a total failure in my career nor claw myself myself out of a whirling cesspool of self-loathing. Then I got dumped twice in two days, and finally, I finished things off with a fabulous weekend in bed with a fever of 102.
Not my finest hour.
But it was, as they say, a blessing in disguise. All that wallowing forced me to confront just how deep my crisis of self-esteem had become. More importantly, though, it made me bored of it.
Feeling worthless isn’t fun. It isn’t helping me. It isn’t how I want to spend my time, so I’ve decided to be confident instead.
I mean that as simply and literally as I said it: I’ve just decided to. That’s it. I’ve decided to be confident now, and I think it’s working.
I write this essay not to invalidate or minimize anyone’s experience of self-loathing or low self-esteem. I know how easily it can compound the pain of already feeling trapped in a lack of self-confidence if someone says, “Just snap your fingers and get over it!” Of course it doesn’t work like that. Of course that would be…
