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I Emotionally Abused My Ex. How Do I Live With That?
What does healing mean for the abuser?
I told him I wanted to kill him, because then and there, I did. He was a thousand miles away at least, so we fortunately never got the chance to learn if I was serious. I wasn’t, but I still said it. The pain cut me open like rotten fruit and nothing sane was left. I didn’t hate him — I just hated. It burned.
That was the last time we spoke. I’m too afraid to speak to him again.
I’ve had my fair share of intense relationships — in truth, I don’t think I’ve ever had one that wasn’t. I’ve had toxic relationships and unhealthy relationships, too. I’ve had toxic, unhealthy relationships with partners who abused me. There was always emotional violence on both sides, but the score cards at the end showed them to be the primary aggressors and me to be the primary victim. That may have fucked me up, but I could still call myself the good one.
In my last relationship, which was toxic and unhealthy, I was the primary aggressor. There was emotional violence on both sides, yes, but I was the one with more power and more venom, and any honest history of the relationship would not look kindly upon me.
How did we get here?
