Is It Awakened or Abusive?

How to stop using spirituality to bully people

Anna Mercury
4 min readFeb 1, 2022


Photo by Vince Fleming on Unsplash

There’s an unfortunate pattern on the part of many individuals within the spiritual, self-help and conscious evolution communities: that of using our awakening to bully other people who aren’t like us.

We regularly shame, criticize, argue with or try to control people in our lives who aren’t on the same path as us because we feel such pain at their unconsciousness. We don’t do it consciously, of course, which is why it can sometimes be hard to tell: am I awakening, or am I using my “awakening” to bully other people?

The answer is quite simple. If you are reflecting your lessons upon yourself and your own behavior, you are awakening. If you are projecting the lessons onto others, you are likely going to get abusive.

For example, let’s say you are in the midst of a personal awakening about emotional responsibility. You’ve realized that people are only really able to respond to their own feelings, and that this pattern of expecting other people to be responsible for your emotional needs is toxic and harmful. Once you recognize this, you start noticing the pattern everywhere. You notice that all kinds of people in your life are projecting onto you all the time, refusing to be responsible for themselves, and you’re constantly being asked unfairly to respond to their feelings.

The classic (and completely understandable!) trap here is to go on the war path. You begin telling other people that they need to be more responsible for their own feelings, and you refuse to capitulate when they want you to be responsible for them. You find the act of engaging in this pattern with them too painful, and you insist they not drag you into it with them.

This trap is, as mentioned, completely understandable. Imagine quitting alcohol and being dragged to a bar every night! How are you supposed to maintain your own positive habits when the people who claim to care about you are unconsciously pulling you back into them?

It’s an understandable trap to fall into, but it is a trap. By virtue of your own newfound understanding, it is not their responsibility to be responsible for your feelings. If you want to be emotionally responsible for yourself, then be emotionally…



Anna Mercury

Level 5 laser lotus, writing for a world where many worlds fit |