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Understanding Relationships
Relationships are complicated, but the philosophy behind them is simple — and can help us hack their complexity.
If there is one thing to know about relationships, it’s this: in every relationship in your life, you act as both yourself and as a role. The rest of this essay is nothing but deeper explanations of that statement.
Relationships can be confusing and complicated, painful and frustrating, overwhelming and intoxicating. Their impact on you at any given moment is always a product of three things: what you need, the role you’re playing in the relationship, and how you feel about playing that role.
Before we get too technical and conceptual, let’s back up. What does it mean to say that you act as both yourself and as a role, and what is the difference between the two?
The “role” aspect of a relationship is actually simpler to explain and understand. Your role in a given relationship is what you bring to that relationship, what you give to the person you’re relating to, what expectations they have of you (or that you have of yourself) that your actions are intended to meet.
Every relationship involves playing a role.
