Why am I adding my voice to this sea of responses that completely miss the point? I don't know, I just quit smoking again and I'm a masochist. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT, SHALL WE? Women display toxic human behavior, some of which is unique to the role women play in a patriarchal society. Men display toxic human behavior unique to their position in a patriarchal society that is not "toxic masculinity," and men also display other behaviors that are toxic masculinity.

Toxic human behaviors inflicted by women are not the same as some kind of equivalent "toxic femininity," because the power structures, cultural narratives and levels of violence inflicted are not equitable between the sexes.

I have inflicted toxic behavior on people of all genders. I have had toxic behavior inflicted on me by people of all genders. I've had toxic behavior inflicted on me by men that I would not have called toxic masculinity, and I have had behavior inflicted on me that I *would* call toxic masculinity, too.

We all display toxic behavior, and we are all harmed by violent patriarchal cultures. The structural violence specific to masculinity under patriarchy is worth discussing on its own, without the need to have a "both sides" conversation about it. The point of the conversation is that the two sides are not equal or comparable. When will people wrap their heads around this? And more to the point, when will we learn to stomach our own shame and transmute it into honesty and connection, rather than gaslighting and self-defense?

God, this is Anna. Writing for a world where many worlds fit. www.allgodsnomasters.com